Radical Parenting
The way I parent isn't the way I was taught to parent
Parents make two big mistakes when communicating with their children. And it’s crushing their relationship.
They either don’t think their kids can handle the information and/or the parents don’t have the emotional maturity to have the conversation.
Kids ask a lot of questions about a lot of things. The questions only get more difficult into their teen years.
Responses like the below are not helpful
“You’re not old enough” or “when you get older…”
“That’s none of your business”
“That’s not important right now.”
“Why are you asking that?
All of these responses belittle our kids. They make us appear that we are hiding something or, worse yet, that they arent capable of understanding the answers.
What does that do? Create doubt and uncertainty. It makes them feel that they can’t go to you with questions. So they don’t.
I made a parenting decision several years ago that has changed my relationship with my son to be overwhelmingly positive.
It involves radical candor and transparency.
What does that mean? I treat him like a human. Not like a kid.
I answer his questions thoughtfully and honestly. I don’t shy away from the difficult or embarrassing conversations. I ask him clarifying questions to understand what he means. I listen intently.
We’ve talked about every topic you can imagine:
Drugs
Alcohol
Suicide
Sex
Bullies
Although there are times I’ll bring something up, he is the one surfacing the topic. Because he saw, heard or read something and was curious.
If he’s not afraid to ask the questions then I’m not afraid to answer them.
I don’t want to shut him down. Because then he’s going to find other people to answer those questions. People I don’t know or aren’t great roles models.
Because it was trending that direction. I used to be the old way until he was about 9. You can change things.
That trust and comfort gets built over time.
But it’s done with the intent of changing the dynamic that just because they are our kid we can’t have difficult conversations.
It’s a bunch of garbage.
We might think we’re protecting and shielding our kids but we’re actually shutting them out.
So this is an encouragement to the parents out there.
It’s a radical strategy but one you might consider the next time your child approaches you with a question.
just get started,
Brian